Some RACIST BIGOT claiming to be "the Right Reverend Elijah Samuelson"

Elijah Samuelson <>

Wed 6/25/2008 9:02 PM


"I've never been able to sanction racism or bigotry. I understand them well enough"

Look in the mirror, you STUPID nigger.  You're the most "racist" bigot in the room.


Greetings, brothers and sisters! This is the Right Reverend Elijah Samuelson. Hope you've all had a nice vacation while I was away attending to some rather urgent cosmological business. (As the Son of God, My presence is required at certain celestial events--the birthing of stars, the extinction of galaxies, and the Mets winning the World Series. --Yes, that does happen. God's realm is vast, and holds within it innumerable parallel universes containing every possible variation of reality. There's even a universe (yea, more than one) where Sister Rosalyn is a retired schoolteacher of sunny and mild disposition, Brother Fu Manchu is an intelligent man who never drank a drop of alcohol in his life, and Brother Israel is a Mormon version of Pat Boone married to Joy Behar and Star Jones, with about twenty-seven Bible-thumping Torah-quoting children between them.)


Brother Israel, today I'm speaking primarily to you. I've read all your diatribes and rants against the black man and the brown man, the Catholic and the Jew with some amusement and a good deal of contempt. I believe I know what your problem is. You're a man (if I may insult the male gender with your inclusion) of munificent intellect and sporadic achievements, the most sterling of which was graduation from Club Fed with no more to show for it than a bitter attitude, a dysfunctional set of bowels and the teethmarks of roughly half-a-hundred of the Aryan Brotherhood in the back of your neck. Rehabilitation doesn't seem to have worked in your case; prison taught you nothing. You're still the same mulch-eating microcephalic you were when the Judge threw your scruffy butt in jail.


I've never been able to sanction racism or bigotry. I understand them well enough (God in His infinite wisdom has seen fit to adorn Me with the skins of many races during My many incarnations), but I've never seen them as anything more than a set of matchless miseries held too often in common.  Skin is temporary, and equally transient are the paradigms and attitudes found within all the various creeds and cultures of Man. Why poison your brief lifespans with faux hatreds and borrowed misconceptions that do naught to promote the general welfare and all to diminish it?  Everything you're pretending to be upset about fades and vanishes into the stomach of the conqueror worm. Ethnicities, attitudes, dialects, and all forms of inter-racial strife and competition last no longer than smoke in a tornado. Unless violence, illness or accident consumes you before your hair turns silver or falls out along with the remnants of your teeth, your last days should be spent reflecting upon the experiences and lessons of your lifetime--lessons that should have taught you wisdom, tolerance, and respect for your fellow sufferers in this place of damnation. But the racist knows naught of tolerance and respect, and hence has no wisdom to carry him or her into the breathless maw of Eternity. You will die engulfed by the same brand of self-inflicted loneliness you've practiced upon your luckless brethren all your sorry life--and when you go, there will be none to mourn your passing.


Brother Israel, I understand but cannot endorse your rank stupidity and callous cowardice. And while it's still possible for you to achieve salvation and redemption by abandoning the follies and foibles you practice, I hold little hope that you possess or can acquire the ability to do so. You have utterly failed to learn the alphabet of human wisdom placed before you by the God who wrote your sentence. And as Cyrano de Bergerac remarked some time ago, you need but three letters of that alphabet to mark you down--an ass.


Be damned to you, Jacob Israel or John Knight or Robert Hallstrom or whatever name your father the Devil hath given you. Be damned, and trouble us no more.


                                                     I AM, THE

   & nbsp;                           RIGHT REVEREND ELIJAH SAMUELSON